Today I was busy. Lots of action. Lots of one foot in front of the other. I was blessed with people today that were looking out for my best interests. I had oppurtunities to receive love that I would have missed out on if I was stuck in the way I felt. I started out rough today, feeling sick to my stomach, the gaping hole of lonely growing at what seemed like a million mph.
I asked for help last night and yesterday from whatever it is out there. And today Higher Power put those people in my path. I had a great conversation with a lady that I have had the chance to watch grow over the last year. I remained open minded as she answered my inquiries on how she has made this change... " my relationship with God." she confessed. WOW!
I struggle back and forth with producing my own picture of what that is for me. I am on a journey to find what that is. I have grown enough to know that I get to investigate and try new things. Listen to people who have traveled down this road before me and have cultivated a relationship, a relationship that fills the gaping black hole that drives me to suck life from innocent victims. I will grow this relationship and begin to practice confidence in that relationship. I begin with a belief that belonged to alot of someone elses over two and a half years ago. I had to strip that understanding down to nothing and admit my fears of no God, and my feelings of unworthiness to receive "God's" love or grace. I started that journey, and the last few years have been preparing for the freedom I feel coming to me around the corner.
I am grateful I acted on some faith and some hope today. I am grateful I felt bad feelings today, but chose to participate inspite of them. I am also undoubtly mostly grateful for the ones who have come before me, for the ones who crossed my path and chose to share freely the love and grace they have been shown. Thank You Higher Power...
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