Day36- August 13, 2011- Out of the Darkness

Living my life by default has been a normal pattern for me.  Allow the tragedy to play out and become a hostage to the results.  Living out my dreams and being a participant is new to me.  I am grateful I have had the chance to live both ways.  I have the oppurtunity to make some choices knowing both sides.  I have begun to live like I have a choice.  Not living like I am the victim anymore is both frightening and exhilerating at the same time.  Feelings of inadequacy chase me down and try to get me stalled up in fantasy.  An illusion of this perfect woman I should be can sometimes make me question where I am today.  Thank God for the small amount of courage and willingness I have to walk past that.  Each time I walk past that I feel like an inch taller.  It has been an exciting journey and I cannot believe that I am finally feeling the feelings that I have run from for so long.  It stops me sometimes when the right thing for the right reason happens naturally to me now.  I think "Oh My God, IT DOES WORK!!!"  These people that have come before me, and are willing to show me their path, they did not lie!!!  Walking out of the shadow of fear and insecurity has me the freedom to begin to see the whole picture.  I am grateful for the dark, it allows me to also know the light.